i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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