Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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