I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sobbing to NWA
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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