Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
