Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
