I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
