never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
