How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
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You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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