im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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