what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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