why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
