I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
