Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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