did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
