Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
