tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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