I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
