so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
