were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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