i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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