I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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