I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
