Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
