I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize