Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
