What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
