your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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