im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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