the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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