I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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