Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
