Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
