I think my fart just growled at me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need water and some morals
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
