I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
