I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
