im drinking this country out of the recession.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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