Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
