The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
