I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am naked and annoyed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
