I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
