tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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