i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
