so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
