did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dicks are not precious.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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