I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
