it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
