i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize