I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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