There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
