My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
