i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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