guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
