end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
