Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I intend to get homeless drunk
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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