guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
