Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
