seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
