God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
