Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
