How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
