i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
