It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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