is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
