my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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