your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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