It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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