I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
