my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
