forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
