Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
